Whitney Portis still grieving over her recent miscarriage.
On Monday’s two-hour season finale ofThe Hills: New Beginnings, the 34-year-old confides in costarKaitlynn Carterabout the sad news that she and husbandTim Rosenmanhad lost their second child on the way — and how she is struggling with the mixed feelings surrounding it.
“Pregnancy news is usually really exciting news, and when I found out I was pregnant I didn’t immediately feel so excited. I was really scared, actually,” says Port, who’s already a mom to 2-year-old sonSonny Sanford, in a confessional.
She tells Carter she had “really strong symptoms” just like in her first pregnancy that disappeared “all of a sudden,” leading to a “whole process” of emotional upheavalafter she found out she was miscarrying.
“The grief is all-consuming. It’s all you can think about,” Port continues in her confessional. “It’s like a death is happening inside your body, and you’re also supposed to show up for your child that you have and you can’t really be sad in front of them, and you’rejust confused if your feelings are okay[or] if they’re too dramatic.”
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“Losing my father was the worst thing that ever happened to me, and then having this happen and then not having him to eventalk to about it was so hard,” she says in the confessional, through tears.
Now, Port tells Carter, 31, that she is waiting for “that moment” when she will feel ready for another child, but admits, “I don’t know if that’s ever gonna happen.”
Whitney Port and son Sonny.Vivien Killilea/Getty
RELATED VIDEO: Whitney Port: Why Pregnancy “Was Hard for Me”
Port and Rosenman revealed the sad newsduring a July episodeof her podcastWith Whit, and appear together in Monday’s episode ofThe Hills: New Beginnings, where they talk about the experience more.
“This is definitely one of the more difficult things I’ve ever gone through,” she says in a confessional. “The thought of the death of something that you haven’t met yet … it feels silly, but it’s not, because it’s you. It’s a part of the love you have with your husband and it’s just heartbreaking.”
“I feel like I’ve come to termswith this pregnancy not working out,” Port tells her husband. “And then I go to the bathroom and there’s still blood, and so every time I see that, I’m reminded of it.”
“And I still just have so much stress about the second child because I know that you really want more children, and I don’t know that I do,” she continues. “I feel like I would be disappointing you if we didn’t.”
“If it never is the right time, it won’t happen. And if it becomes the right time or our feelings change, we can keep having this conversation as we go. Seriously,” Rosenman tells her.
source: people.com
