Photo: Jamie Otis/Instagram
Jamie Otisis reflecting on what would have been late sonJohnathan Edward’s 5th birthday.
Otis wrote that she “instantly felt like I failed him,” adding that while she tries to “tell myself the way his short life ended isn’t my fault,” part of her “always wonders if maybe it is some sort of karma from decisions I made when I was in college and had custody of my siblings. We lived in a small trailer w leaky ceilings and holes in the floor. We had to put a board over the holes so animals didn’t get in & we wouldn’t fall through.”
Want to get the biggest stories fromPEOPLEevery weekday?Subscribe to our new podcast,PEOPLE Every Day,to get the essential celebrity, entertainment and human interest news stories Monday through Friday.
Otis said shehad two abortions during that timewhen she was raising her siblings, adding that this is a topic she “never ever” talks about. She admitted that in the moments after losing Jonathan, she apologized to him, linking the tragedy to her past in her mind.
Otis and Hehner also share sonHendrix Douglas, 14 months, and daughterHenley Grace, who turns 4 next month. She has also previously opened up about experiencing botha chemical pregnancyand amiscarriage.
Hehner remembered the aftermath that included a period of questioning, when the couple would “look for reasons of why it happened” while they were grieving: “Even when the doctors tell you that it’s more common or it’s kind of a fluke, you don’t necessarily want to believe that. You want to find a reason. You want to at least make sure that this wouldn’t happen again or shouldn’t happen again.”
“You realize,” he added, “that there’s just a lot of things that are out of your control and as much as you want things to go right, you start to prepare for all situations.”
In a personal essay for PEOPLE in 2019, Otisreflected on her abortion story, writing that “my abortions still torment me and I hate that I had to have them. However, am I thankful? Of course.”
“I wouldn’t be able to be a good mother to my daughter right now or have been able to be a good parent to my siblings back then,” she explained at the time. “The cycle continues because there’s not enough education about sex and birth control, and not enough support. There’s not enough constructive discussion about abortion. It sucks. It really sucks. But the truth of the matter is it is a necessary option.”
source: people.com
