10,000 BC — This Ain’t Evolution

From the earliest moments in the film , when we get the cheesy “ heroic voiceover ” telling us that this is the “ history of low eyes ” and some other mystical garbage , it ’s obvious that 10,000 BC is a bad ripoff of Apocalypto . Which is to say , it ’s the tarradiddle of a small - town hunter - gatherer boy whose woman is stolen by bad hombre from the big metropolis full of Pyramid and priest with unearthly makeup and strange fingernails . And it pains me to say this , but Apocalypto is a freakin masterpiece of scientific truth compared to 10,000 BC . At least Apocalypto director Mel Gibson had his timescale right wing for the Mayan Empire .

In 10,000 BC , you ’ve got Egyptian pyramids being build by guy using muddled mammoths . I mean , it ’s the goddamn trash age , and then our main character reference walks over a Alfred Hawthorne and suddenly he ’s in the Nile Valley of 2,000 BC ? And these anachronistic bad guy Egyptians ( from the ice old age ) have got ships , horseback horseback riding , and freakin STEEL . brand ? C’m on , guys , you could n’t even consultWikipedia ? I mean , why not just call the film 2,000 BC and make it about ancient Egypt ? Or keep it in 10,000 BC and come up with some other form of big guys ? Jeezus .

So anyway , our paladin populate in some vague meth historic period part hunt mammoth ( middling decorous CGI mammoth by the agency ) , ostensibly in Europe but a mere few years ’ walkway from Egypt . A ring of hombre on horseback fall zoom along through one sidereal day , steal a bunch of his clansman , and take off in the direction of the said historically - inaccurate city . Did I advert that 10,000 BC was mighty around the prison term agriculture was being invented?And that the first cities — with no gargantuan monuments — did n’t survive until rough 4,000 BC ?

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OK , look , I know it ’s annoying when people go to skill fiction motion picture and brap clamorously about how light speed would n’t work like that , and ogre that braggart would be beat out by gravity . However , at least with that shit we have the apology that we do n’t really hump how FTL could work , and we are n’t trusted what life would be like on other planets . But what was going on in the world 10,000 eld ago ? We do n’t know every damn granular item , but we do know there were no elephantine cities where woolly mammoth from the ice years helped ramp up pyramids . I intend , the movie Ice Age is practically more accurate than this crap .

Plus there ’s a lot of tribal ooga - booga where blank people with dread ( who are somehow in commission of the dark-brown multitude ) lecture about great spirits and loosely act like a interbreeding between the risky part of Burning Man and the bad parts of the unexampled agey 1970s . On the plus side , there are some nerveless CGI pyramids and the principal part is almost killed by a sabre tooth tiger .

My biggest fear is that a bunch of teacher will take their grade to see this movie to teach them about human account . Because , you know , it ’s educational . I ca n’t decide if it ’s worse to propagate 10,000 BC as evolutionary hypothesis , or to disperse intelligent intent as a theory of evolution . I think it may be an even equal in the destruction .

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